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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Then, I’m walking down Kamo Alley, and I see this little shop selling charcoal. Perfect! I’m all about that charcoal life. I walk in, and the guy behind the counter is super chill. We start chatting about the best wood for burning. He’s all about that oak, and I’m like, “Nah, man, you gotta go with cherry.” We’re going back and forth, and it’s like a charcoal showdown. I’m pumped, right?